Revamped
by Chatterpie
Summary: A slightly different ending to the Valentine fiasco causes a reshuffle in the pecking order at Hellsing. [Cowritten with the wonderful Nimblnymph.][Pairings? See for yourself]
1. Chapter 1

Integra frowned, massaging her temples. The mass funeral had worn on her nerves, and she was desperate for a few hours to herself. No sooner had she escaped to her office and lit a much-needed cigar, however, than Walter was tapping politely at her door. She heaved a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose to relieve some of the tension in her head.

"Come in."

"Sir, I have the medical report on the Valentine boy."

Her eyes betrayed a hint of curiosity. "The transmitter?"

He nodded, handing the report over. She scanned it fully, eyebrows lifting.

"Combustible? That's a new trick," she muttered, not really needing an answer. "Probably a measure to ensure that, should their mission fail, no-one could betray any secrets."

"Indeed," Walter agreed, "I suspect, had Mss Victoria not been so rough in her handling of him, we'd be left with ashes to interrogate."

"How is the interrogation going, by the way?"

The Hellsing version of interrogation usually involved shutting the victim in a room with either Walter or Alucard until they sang like a canary. He had been unfazed by the butler, and so Alucard had volunteered, with an unusual amount of enthusiasm. Within an hour, Alucard had described the death of Yan's older brother in vivid detail. Yan had raged and swore, vowing to decimate Hellsing brick by brick, body by body until there was nothing left, and then fallen silent. Alucard left him for a day or two, reporting to Integra rather gleefully that the light had gone out in the young vampire.

"Alucard remains insistent that he will give in soon, Sir," Walter said. Integra allowed a small frown of irritation to crease her brow.

"He said that last time I asked," she observed. "Perhaps it's time I see for myself."

She rose smoothly then, stubbing out her cigar and smoothing down her suit, though it was free of wrinkles.

"Do you wish me to accompany you, Sir?" Walter asked.

"No. I'm expecting some important calls later."

"Very well, Sir."

"Alucard, wake him up?"

Alucard, master of subtlety, kicked the body lying in the filth of the dungeon.

"Oi. Dog."

Jan raised his head, and a spark of defiance shone in his weary amber eyes.

"...Fucking...kill you..." he bit out. Then he caught sight of Integra, and an insolent grin tugged at his mouth.

"So," his voice was weak, but his tone infuriatingly belligerent, "the head bitch has finally come to take a gawp."

Alucard kicked him again, and Integra heard a rib snap.

"Alucard!" she reprimanded him. "How do you expect him to talk with your boot in his lung?"

Now her own vampire's eyes burned into hers.

"Go make sure Seras isn't doing anything stupid."

When he didn't move, she fixed him with an icy stare and the barest lift of her eyebrows, as if to say "Well?" Alucard shrugged and turned on his heel, warping through the door. Then Integra turned her attention back to Jan. Since he had lifted his head, those curious amber eyes hadn't moved from her face. Having his eyes on her felt somehow indecent, and Integra felt her cheeks flare. Brushing that aside, she turned to business.

"I commend you on your stamina," she told him in an almost friendly tone, "and your gall in attacking the Hellsing mansion. But then, I suppose, you had no choice after they put that transmitter in you."

His eyes widened barely, before he could pretend nonchalance, and she chuckled.

"Oh yes, we knew about the transmitter, although the combustion is something new. Sort of an elaborate kamikaze." A pause, then she added, "you must have been wondering why you hadn't died yet. Poor dog."

Jan finally stopped staring at her like a lab specimen in a jar.

"All dressed in black," he commented boredly, "did someone die?"

She let out a snarl before she could stop herself, and he smirked.

"Oooh yeeaaah...those boys of yours. The ones I slaughtered."

She clamped down firmly on her temper, clenching her fist until her nails bit into her palm. The pain helped clear her head.

"They were delicious," Jan continued conversationally, "shame they screamed so much. Gave me a fucking earache."

"The Hellsing soldiers died as heroes," Integra growled, "your brother died like the dog he was."

Jan's mocking expression froze, and his lips twisted into a bitter snarl.

"You shut up. You fucking shut up about my brother," he grated out, and Integra laughed. Then she turned her back on his vulgar epithets and walked out.

"Alucard." Her voice betrayed barely a hint of surprise as she saw him walking towards her.

"The Police Girl is asleep, Master," he reported. "May I return to my interrogation?"

"No." Integra stared at the door over her shoulder, as if she could still see him glowering at her.

"No?"

"Let him stew." She tore her gaze away. "He thrives on attention. He acts out, just to have someone notice and react to him. So we leave him."

The look Alucard gave her was something Integra could only hesitantly call a pout. Feeling a smile tug at her lips, she sighed.

"You may hunt tonight. Live prey. But if you kill any civilians..."

She let the threat tail off, rewarded with an almost gleeful grin from her servant.

"You're dismissed," she nodded, and he disappeared. With one final glance at the dungeon door and a self-reprimanding tut, Integra made her way back up to her office.


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey, y'all! This is nimblnymph, Ruby's partner in crime on this fic. As a warning, this chapter is VERY MATURE IN LANGUAGE. Sorry... My muse felt it was best to write from Jan's POV. And we ALL know how that boy can cuss!

* * *

Fucking Hellsing bitch. Fucking pet vampire douche. Fucking old butler with a stick up his ass. Just... "FUCK!" Jan screamed as he threw himself at the door again. Another dent to match the twelve others he'd already put there, but nothing else. Oh, except for... "FUCK!" His hand went to his shoulder, which had been shattered when that dick of a vampire squeezed it as easily as crushing an orange in his fist. He'd screamed then, too. Screamed about all the different ways he was gonna fuck that Hellsing whore. He'd gotten way up to number sixteen (something about shooting his load in her face while screwing her with a splintery broom handle up the ass) before he'd been flung across the room into the far wall. After that, everything was fuzzy black blurs and broken ribs. If he'd been human, his body would have been fucked. 

His hat was gone, his piercings torn out and his brother murdered. He was so beyond fucking pissed! And what the hell was up with his fucking chip not working? Shit, he couldn't even HEAR the voices anymore. Not that he understood them anyway. They were all speaking some other language and shit. What did Luke say it was? Germanese or something? Who fucking cared anyway! It wasn't the words that mattered, just the feeling it gave. He loved the reckless violence it encouraged, the constant thirst for blood and destruction. It was such a mind blowing high! Better than watching top shelf porn while getting blowed. Now, everything was so quiet and... empty.

And these cocksucking Hellsing pricks took that away from him. They needed to die. They needed to fucking scream and cry and piss themselves for taking everything away from him. He wanted to be the last fucking face they saw before they died. Hell, he wouldn't even bother wasting his time drinking their shitty blood. Just let it all drain out onto the floor. Maybe he'd rip that fucking Alucard to pieces, turn his bitch-master into a ghoul and fuck her rotting corpse in front of him. THAT was hot... real hot.

Jan snickered to himself, ignoring the pain pulsing from his cracked and broken lungs from the movement. The minute he actually stopped to think about all the damage was the minute the Hellsing pricks won. He wasn't gonna let them have the satisfaction. Luke would be proud of him. Luke... His eyes scrunched closed as he let out a bellow of pure hatred for what was done to his brother. Luke was the shit. He was all kinds of bad ass, and he was good peoples, too. How the HELL did he lose to that fucking queer in a trench coat?

It didn't matter now. The fact was Luke was gone, he was all alone and that crack whore in charge wasn't planning on letting him go. That meant if he wanted revenge, he had to get his own ass outta there. Okay. Cool. Sooo... how the hell was he gonna do it? Whatever the fuck they'd done to him (besides beating the shit outta him) was making him feel like crap. It was sucking up all the extra juice the chip had given him and left him so much weaker than he knew he was.

Jan slid down the wall he was leaning against and banged his head back into the wet concrete hard enough to make spots cross his eyes. God, was he screwed! They'd done a first-rate job of fucking him up. Okay, so he couldn't just bust his way outta this hell hole. Fine. That meant he had to try something different. Something like... what would Luke do?

Yeah, there was an idea. What the hell would Luke do if he were here? Luke was a fucking genius. Okay, cool. He had a plan. He just had to get himself to think like Luke. Jan scowled at the floor as he tried to get himself into Luke Mode. After five minutes with nothing coming up except that he was starving his ass off, he snarled angrily and kicked the floor. This was so fucking pointless! He couldn't think like Luke. Luke was Luke, and he was Jan. It just wasn't happening.

His head snapped around at the sound of the lock being undone and was on his feet before it even finished swinging inward. "What, you guys wanna come back for- what the fuck are you doing here?" His eyes narrowed suspiciously as that whore with the big tits came in.

Her eyes were wide and she all but reeked of uncertainty. He could smell just a bit of fear on her undead skin, and it made his lips curve upward. She froze, the deer-in-the-headlights look leaving her face to be replaced with a sterner one. Too fucking late to try being alpha bitch! He already knew she was at least a little afraid of him. Hell, yes... Maybe it wasn't gonna be so hard to break out after all. Then again, this WAS the bitch who knocked him the hell out to begin with. Jan's entire body tensed up warily as she entered fully, carrying what looked like one of those ugly-ass camping coolers in one hand.

"I... Sir Integra thought you might be hungry," she stammered uncertainly as she took another step into the cell. She set the box in the middle of the room, half way between them and hurried back to stand in the open doorway.

Jan sneered at the box but went over anyway, his stomach growling fiercely for some goddamn food. He pulled the lid back and almost fell on his ass when a wave of ice cold air met his face. "Cold blood?" he exclaimed angrily. "I can't drink this shit!" He glared down at the bag of blood and shook his head. The label across the front read HellsCorp, meaning this shit was made in a laboratory. Un-fucking-believable! Just what the hell kinda operation was this, feeding vampires lab made blood? Might as well take the fangs outta their mouths.

"It's not THAT bad... or so master says," the girl muttered sullenly.

He shook his head and finally gave way to gravity to fall on his ass in shock. "Wait... wait, wait, wait a goddamn minute! YOU don't drink this shit, but you want ME to? Hell, no. Hell-fucking-NO! You're fucking KILLING ME with this shit! Your master's a fucking pansy-assed bitch-"

"-Who still managed to tan your arse well and good," she defended angrily, her eyes flashing red briefly before returning to a very human blue color.

Jan watched the change of light in her eyes curiously before cocking his head to the side and snickering. "Shit... you're a fucking newbie. You've never even had a taste of blood, have ya?"

She bristled, her back straightening angrily. "What about that?" she demanded hotly.

He burst out laughing, cackling so hard that he couldn't ignore the pain in his lungs any longer. He fell over onto his side, gasping and wincing as he clutched his sides and tried to will it to stop. But, damn... that was some funny shit! A splutter of laughter leaked out as he cracked an eye open at her to meet her glare. "You have no idea how good the real shit is, and your master's been tamed so fucking long he can't remember. There's a huge fucking difference!"

"And how would you know? You've never tried it, either!"

Jan arched a brow and managed to sit up again. "Have so, bitch. Me and Luke robbed a fucking hospital of blood a while back. Stuff tastes worse than licking piss outta a gutter. So, you can take that bag of shit back to your drag queen master and HIS lesbo master and tell them to shove it up their ass!"

The girl's cheeks flared up bright red out of embarassment and outrage. Jan grinned and blew her a kiss. Just a little more prodding and maybe she'd be the dumb blonde and attack him. All he needed was for her to move outta the fucking way and he'd be free. Her hands clenched tightly as she let out a huff of breath that blew her bangs off her forehead. "Look, you," she gritted out. "Sir Integra thought you might-"

"A, she thought wrong and B, don't fucking lie to me. We both know that bitch couldn't give two shits about what happens to me. So stop using her fucking name and just say YOU were trying to act all buddy-buddy in an attempt to win my fucking trust." He threw the bag of blood at her hard, using everything his uninjured arm had to offer to make sure it exploded all over her.

She caught the bag, her hand convulsing around it automatically to keep it in her grip. She obviously didn't know how fucking strong a vampire was because her fingers punctured through the thick plastic, spilling synthetic blood everywhere. She gasped, eyes widening as it coated her entire hand and half her arm in thick, cool, red liquid. The blue irises slipped away completely into the hungry crimson of a vampire's, pupils dilated and reflecting the sight of her fingers holding the shredded remains of blood covered plastic.

Jan felt a slow smile form across his cheeks as he watched her struggle not to lick her hand clean. It was very obvious she was starving for the blood, craving it like crack heads craved cocaine. She was close to falling to the blood lust, and he was one step closer to getting outta there. "You know you want it," he encouraged, his voice dropping low and taking on the tone that made women start coming in their panties. "I saw it, how you loooooved all that blood during the fight. You totally got off on doing that, didn't you? You wanna just-"

"Stop it," she snarled.

"Stop what, talking? Fucking make me! Don't get your panties in a twist just cuz YOU'RE having issues with being yourself. Admit it; didn't it get you all kindsa horny to rip those ghouls to pieces?"

She growled in her throat, fixing him with a deadly glare that didn't mean shit seeing as she was already turning around and running away. The door slammed shut and the lock slid in place. Jan's wicked chuckling faded away at the sight of the blood coating the cell floor. All that blood... and he was still so fucking HUNGRY. "FUUUUCK!"


End file.
